Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
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watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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