Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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