I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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