I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
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i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
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True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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