We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
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He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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