Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
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