I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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