I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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