Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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