Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think my moral compass just broke
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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