I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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