im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize