I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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