So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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