he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
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I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
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I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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