Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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