a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize