Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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