the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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