you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize