If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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