Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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