She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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