yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
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I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
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I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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