I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can I color on your dick again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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