i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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