You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
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Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
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CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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