woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize