I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
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He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
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WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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