I CAN MOONWALK!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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