if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
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the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
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The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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