How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize