I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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