I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize