96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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