I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize