Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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