do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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