So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize