Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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