I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize