I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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