How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
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A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
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That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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