in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
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The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
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