I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
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Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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