He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
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My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
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Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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