I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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