The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
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Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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