I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
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i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
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Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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