last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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